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This page was originally part of the Jarviser Home Hubs Files. They are now housed here at FileSaveAs to help users of the BT Home Hub.

Ode To Changeover Day : Home Hub Poem

John (contributor JLS on at the Home Hub Forum) asked for advice to prepare for "Changeover Day" when his new hub and BT broadband would arrive. As things didn't go quite to schedule he had time to pen this Ode, which he has allowed me to publish. Enjoy!


Ode to Changeover Day

The ‘dark side of the moon' is lonely
Away from the web and my links
I've ordered BT Broadband
Was that man mad, I am hearing you think.

Well Changeover day dawned clear & bright
And as ever I was up with lark
Would the man in the van appear early,
Or would he not come until dark

No matter, I knew I was ready
I'd file cleaned until I was numb
Now all that was left for me
Was to sit around on my bum

The morning passed Oh so slowly
The missus went out shopping alone
That's always a dangerous business.
Me, I just sat by the phone

The man in the van came about One
I signed for the box with a flourish
and then …. went back to my lunch
for these things ought not to be hurried

The bits were all there, and the manuals
I also had notes from the Forum
I had cleared a big space on the desk
No Panic, just a little decorum

There were plenty of wires and connectors
The sockets were easy to find
Which perhaps itself was a blessing
Just in case I was colour blind.

I plugged it all in and waited
The ‘power' and ‘wireless' lights turned green
The Broadband light however did not,
It went Orange and Red in between

The book stated this was OK
The changeover may take until ‘Eight'
So I left it, mowed the lawn and at Six
I sat down with a beer and ate

At eight I was ready, I was sat there
Waiting for the last bloody light
By Nine I was getting frustrated
And thought, ‘What is this load of sh***'

I rang the nice lady in Scotland
Or wherever she was, I don't know
She said it may take until midnight
To get the darn thing to go

Arh, Not eight then, as in the book, I asked her.
‘Oh, No the book's wrong' she said
I said £ “That's It young lady”
I am off to my bed

‘Leave everything switched on' she advised me
‘I am sure ‘twill be done very soon'
I trudged slowly out of my study
And gazed wistfully up at the moon

Next morning I was again very eager
Up at six-thirty once more
Brewed me a big cup of ‘builders'
But my heart sank as I opened the door.

The lights were exactly as ‘last night'
‘Bugger!' I said, getting ‘shirty'
I'll ring them and find out what's happening
The message said ‘we open at Seven Thirty'.

At seven thirty-two I re-dialled
Another Scottish lady replied
‘The engineers don't start just yet sweetie'
But we'll call you when they arise.

Well, she did at around eight thirty
And low and behold £ Nothing new
The blighters hadn't done it on Thursday
As the contract promised they'd do

‘It will be done sometime on Friday'
Was about all that she said
No estimate of when, and / or how
Both the light and my anger were RED.

I went off out in the morning
To stop the bad pain in my head
But when I got back home at lunchtime
Yes, The light was still bloody red.

I knew then it wouldn't get better
Sod's Law had come into play
So I started to pen this epistle
As a way of passing the day

Each hour I checked it again
In the hope that all would be right
I just know they will leave early on Fridays
Rather than work on through the night

Is it too much to ask to do what they said
If they did, their business would thrive
God this is getting almost nearly as bad
As those other clowns down at T5

At Three o'clock I called again,
And asked for the supervisor
Your ahead of me now, because the reply of course
Was that he was no more the wiser

He told me my changeover was deferred to today
I told him, ‘Not at my choice'
His excuse was all waffle, with nothing concrete
‘It's down to a lack of resource'

Once again he explained, the work was in hand
To complete by eight pm or midnight,
By then I'll be pissed, and not give a darn.
I'm getting fed up with this s*****

Its four-thirty now and something is stirring
The Broadband light is orange and flashing
But the book clearly states this can go on for a day
That would be one hell of a bashing

It's almost Six o'clock, the beers are chilled
And the broadband light is still blinking
Have they all pushed off home and left it like this
I suspect ‘Sod him' is what they are thinking

Another hour gone by and nothing has changed
It's all turned to ‘Rats'- you know what
Another beer's what I need, so off I will go
And stuff the whole bloody lot.

Oh, Wait, What is this? Its just turned seven
And there is green light at the end of the tunnel.
‘Bloody Hell it works' is the cry.
Or I am just getting fuddled.

No, it is really true, by Golly it's true
I am back in touch with the world
That must call for a pint, maybe more I think
Whilst I check that everything works

Thanks for all the advice that you folks have given
It really helped me to understand,
Whilst it's not been plain sailing, thanks to BT
I can now get on as I planned.

There is lots to check out and set-up to do
But at least I can now make a start
With e-mail and laptops top of the list
And print servers ….. well maybe later !!!


© JLS 2008 and Filesaveas Home Hub Forum


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